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So let’s see what’s happened since my intention to work hard.

The first day, which was Sunday, was quite a powerful day for me. I worked on a website for about 8 hours and the whole time felt really good about the process. Then, I went out and street performed for an hour, came back and ate, and then went out for another hour.

It was a definite breakthrough for me in that it was the first time I went out and I was truly not afraid of performing. I set up my box in front of a large group of people (another previous fear) and just started dancing. It went moderately well financially, but I had a great time doing it. I practiced some things I had been wanting to work on and I just focused on connecting with people and sending out joy.

Then yesterday I headed back out again to perform and the fear hit hard! I showed up at Union Square and for the first time was going to have the primo location. There were over 100 people standing around and I took a little walk to steady myself and calm down. When I came back, the spot was taken. And so the story ends. Act now or forever hold your peace I suppose.

Either way, I am finding this hard work thing to be as hard as it seems. I went to bed late last night but my intuition said to get up at 8AM this morning. I didn’t set an alarm and woke up at 8 just like that *snaps fingers*. I got out of bed and just got hit with a wave of lethargy and I got back into bed. As I was lying there, I realized that a huge part of my life is spent hanging out, talking, researching, thinking. Not filled with “doing.” I picture Jeremy Pivens’ character on “Entourage,” running around, making deals, calling people, making things happen. This has not been my tendency as a way to live. I’ve been more passive, allowing things to just sort come as they may.

So I’m excited about more activity but at the same time I’m finding a lot of resistance appearing, because the activity leads to wanting to do things that I’m afraid of–contacting people, putting myself out there in various ways, making difficult decisions.

Either way, I’m committed to it and now I’m headed out to street perform again.

I’m not sure what the purpose of this experiment was today. I feel a little hazy as to why I wanted to do this so much and why it was so challenging, but it’s probably a similar phenomenon to how you can’t watch yourself grow taller. It’s too much a part of you.

I’m really grateful though. I am intending to have a lot of work on my plate, to be working morning to night, being on the phone (another fear), having to go out into the world and make things happen. I intend increased activity and increased discipline.

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